What is misgendering?

Short Answer

Misgendering is referring to a person using the wrong gender — wrong pronouns, wrong title (sir/ma'am), or wrong gendered words. It most commonly affects trans and non-binary people, and it causes real harm.

The Two Kinds of Misgendering

Accidental: Using old pronouns out of habit, guessing wrong by appearance, or using outdated information. It happens — the harm is in how it's handled.

Intentional: Deliberately using wrong pronouns to punish, mock, or "prove a point." This is harassment, not a mistake.

Why It Hurts

• It invalidates the person's identity — again and again.
• It triggers dysphoria: hearing the wrong gender attached to you is deeply uncomfortable.
• It outs people: using she/her for someone presenting masculine can reveal their trans identity to strangers.
• Constant misgendering is a measurable stressor — it contributes to the poor mental health outcomes trans people face.

How to Recover From a Mistake

1. Apologize briefly: "Sorry — they."
2. Correct the sentence.
3. Move on.
4. Do better. Track the person's pronouns mentally; practice; use their name as an anchor.

How NOT to Recover

• "You know it's so hard for me..."
• "They/them is so confusing..."
• "Well, you looked like a..."
• Making the trans person comfort you or explain your feelings back to you.

Gendered Language to Watch

• Sir / ma'am / miss
• Ladies, guys, boys, girls (when addressing groups)
• "That woman/man over there"
• Mr. / Ms. / Mrs. titles
• Family terms (daughter/son, sister/brother) — use gender-neutral alternatives when unsure

What to Do When You Witness It

If someone is misgendered in front of you and they want help, gently correct: "Actually, Sam uses they." If the misgendering is deliberate, say something: "That's not okay." Standing up costs you little and means everything to the person targeted.